I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
