last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
