So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
