i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
