you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
