a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
