The maid of honor just puked.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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