So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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