Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
