3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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