The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
