If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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