I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
