i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
