Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
