I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
