Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
