Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
