thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
