when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
