how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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