i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like, not good at living.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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