There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
