I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
