What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
