drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
