the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
