I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
