i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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