peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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