Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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