but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
