i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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