is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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