woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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