when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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