Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
