last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
