Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
