She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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