Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
