Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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