Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
