I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
