i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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