You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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