I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
