i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
