He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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