Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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