He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
